its been a long time.

It's been quite a while since i last had an entry on my blog

nothing much today actually, came back home from painting the debate banner. a bit tired from the hot sun that kind of burned my back but oh well. I bought a reader's digest magazine from the petrol kiosk outside, just finished reading through it and it made me want to post :)

I read an article about how this cambodian woman(who was a prostitute herself) helps young prostitutes escape the dark world of brothels. i read about 10 inspiring Asians and their 2010 new year resolutions, which included Dr. William Tan. It was simply insprirational and gave me quite a bit of food for thought.

Regarding the first article, its kind of like even if you know that there's such horrifics going on to young women worldwide, everytime you read an article about stuff like that you go like "woah, that is serious." and then it makes you think like what have you been doing? you are so lucky to be born in a safe country to loving parents and have people who care for you. have you really made full use of what you have that those people do not have? Then you realise that whatever so-called "hardships and sorrows" that you go through in school, at home, wherever and with whoever that make you proclaim "OMG i feel like dying" "Why is the world like this to me?" "WTH" etc.. all of that does not compare to what other people, who are in a more disadvantaged position then you are, are going through. Somehow it makes yourself feel kind of immature, clueless, senseless, failure-ish, ungrateful etc.. It makes you ask yourself, "why have you been doing so badly in school etcetc when you have everything these people, who most of the time, only dream of what you have. you have a family, friends and a healthy self. why arent you doing your best in what you do? why arent you motivated or disciplined enough to just strive for what you want?" ok..maybe the last one is just me. but any-o-how, its true. at the same time, the other side to the article allows yourself to dream of what you could achieve for yourself and for society in the future. The woman helping out all the younger ladies is Somaly Mam. Pure inspriration, like seriously. After being repressed for some years, her anger and hatred started to escape when she witnessed the death of a girl younger then herself then being shot in the head 3 times for attempting to escape prostitution. With the help of a french-men, she managed to break free from prostitution at 21(well they also considered her invaluable, since the disgusting, shallow, insecure MCPs prefer younger girls and more often than not ask for virgins. some girls even after losing their virginity are sewn up again, to produce artificial virgin vags for disgusting, shallow, insecure MCPs to have what they consider a little fun. some girls even have to do 20 men a night. I say its just plain disgusting and an insult to women. are we toys for pleasure NO! now before we get further side tracked, lets continue with the story of somaly) She found a new job as a chamber maid in france and regained her self-pride. When she followed her husband (yes, she married the frenchie but they divorced later on. 3 kids) back to cambodia because of work, she wanted to do something. she now heads AFESIP (acting for women in distressing situations) and has 3 shelters in cambodia. but helping these girls puts herself in danger, her shelters had been rampaged, the girls rekidnapped by pimps and a gun has even been put to her head. her daughter was once even kidnapped, now her children study in france. she gives the freed women a new chance at life, education, skills, jobs, businesses, some are even able to marry. the older women call her sister, the young orphans call her mummy. its just amazing how she can pull herself up and start something new and help others. mind you, she still has "scars". not being able to sleep for more than 3-4 hours straight, feeling naseous each time she steps into a brothel, the inability to go back to the brothel she was in due to sheer fear. makes you kind of think "wow, i wish i could help the way she did." lols, ok maybe that's just me again but yeah... Maybe in future i can, not neccessarily in her sector of help but perhaps aiming at different people. really makes you dream about the positive imapct that you could serve to the world.

ok second article, the 2010 new year's resolution for 10 inspiring asians. ok to be honest so far i only read Dr William Tan's because he's been to my school, helped my school raise funds and i've read his book. so there, plus he's cool so yeah. when i first heard that dr tan had cancer i was quite shocked cos its like you've heard about all his triumphs against adversity and how he's overcome his physical disability to do what he does best that you kind of think that nothing can bring this person down ever. well, life works the way you don't want it to. so it was very uplifting to see dr tan back and starting up his engine once again (he had a bone marrow transplant in october). even though his physical frame is much noticably weaker than before, you can tell that his fighting spirit is still very much there and is even stronger than before. its just like super cool how someone can like bounce back after very tough times, and not to mention become even stronger. it's like.....ok i dont know how to describe it without repeating a word that had already used earlier.

you know what, i don't think i'll give myself a new year's resolution for next year because i don't think i need to make myself realise even more how much i need to do it, how much i need to achieve it. i know what i need to do.

ok, now with some lighter news about my life recently. hee, SUPER SHOW II the best ever. seriosuly it was damn good and im not just saying that cos im a fan of suju. but if you went not as a fan, you'd be wowed to with the standard of performance they gave. non-stop 3 hours dancing and singing. as performers, they are really like the best. :) would have been the best if kang in and ki bum were there. it was hot! lols siwon like stripped, then they all got wet and started to tear leeteuk's shirt apart. hee, leeteuk got buff. hahaha. aw. and he cried when they sang shining star, like very badly. but i don't blame him lols, i would get overwhelmed to if i had 16,000 fans singing my song and screaming their hearts out for me and creating star patterns with their light sticks. lols, he wasn't the only one who cried, i think yesung did too. lols, i think if it were me performing in front of 16,000 screaming fans i would cry like a abay too, its like so overwhelming, how much support and love you can get from people. lols, stayed at the same hotel as them too. found out that they stayed on the 11th floor. so when ever we took the lift we would "accidentally" press the 11th floor button and when the door opens have scary bodyguards staring at us, then we act like "oh, what floor is this?" lols it was quite funny. but security was tight like anything. but when they came back from the first night i saw them in the lobby from a distance. 2nd day of concert saw them up front like 1 m away and like omg soooo freaking hot! like seriously even with make up and stuff. the 3 best looking were, in no particular order: donghae, hankyung and siwon. seriously! the others looked good too, but 3 of them were like WOAH! HOT! lols. All 13 of them were like glowing. it was cool. at the concert, we actually went in 5 mins late so we missed man in love(1st song) but managed to catch a glimpse of the firewroks and stuff. a bit sad since a man in love dance is freaking cool. i wanna learn. haha,but omg kyu solo was to put it short, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" hee, yi hui was so hung up over insomnia. lols. but the sound system was not very good. made some of them sound a bit weird. did i mention that both me and hui screamed extra loud whenever henry and zhou mi came out. stupid fans were chanting only 13. we thought it was just plain rude and kind of uneccessary since zhou mi and henry are only members of the sub group. and henry's featuring in don't don was just to play the violin. sometimes i think fans overreact too much. hee, then when they sang marry you, kyu almost cried. hee :) and during one song when it was eunhyuk's turn to sing, kyuhyun went super close to him and then they stood face to face and got nearer and nearer and then were like about to "kiss" when kyu stuck out his tongue and eunhyk laughed!!!!!! hahaha, so much fanservice <3>

i have typed quite a lot, lols i think i started typing this post at 2 plus. its been like 2hours. but i've been flitting in and out looking at otherstuff too so. hm. t was nice to post again. should start doing it more often than like twice a year. lols

i apologise for the erractic part about bangkok, wasnt really in chronological order just kind of typed what came to mind hee~

hope you enjoyed readin my blog and happy holidays!

wth was that line all about, "hope you enjoyed readin my bolg..." eww

sorry feeling a bit schizophrenic :)

end of holidays: unsuccesful + irreplacable

its been a fast 4 week holiday. there has been much to complete, much to do. yet i could not accomplish all and only one day is left. holiday homework left to finish up chinese and need to do maths. i still do not know what was for e lit homework. procrastination still lingers. next week is oral o levels. i think i will kind of panic, very scared, anxious... but the thing that annoys me the most is that procrastination still lingers, i have not been able to make the full and best use of my holidays. evidence > not practicing maths as i should have been doing, not finshing holiday homwork which was actually not very much and i could have done it quite easly, not taking in much effort this holiday with the problem of self discipline. i am unhappy and it will be a hectic term 3 as i have an addition of cheer to my schedule now. but today has been an irreplaceble day for me!!!!! i got to watch ft island showcase, and minhuan took my drumsticks!!!!! hope elysia/yorklyn/nicole can pass hongki and minhuan my letters!!!! the showcase was awesome! minhuan was really good on the drums, hongki just started belting song after song (hopefully, i can be like him next time ^^) jae jin did quite impressively on the bass, seung hyun was just plain cute and jong hoon was soooo hot + handsome + good on lead guitar and the keybaords!!!! then when we left, ft island's van was just infront of us and along with many maxi cabs and taxis we(me and my mum) chased the van all the way back to ritz carlton! and on the way, my mum kept driving beside the van and she and i waved at min huan and hongki!!!!!!!then minhuan laughed and smiled and then waved back!!!!!! WHOO! he's damn cute!!!!! and then when we were nearer to the hotel, i wound down the car window (which was tinted so they would not have been able to see me if i did not wind it down) and then smiled and waved at jonghoon (or seunghyun, not very sure which one) and jae jin! and then they smiled back!!!!!! i was like lols omg this is damn funny and embarrassing at the same time! it was fun! :) I LOVE FT ISLAND! PPL GO LISTEN TO THEIR MUSIC! DAMN NICE! :) there's school on monday, to which i have no idea if i looking forward to or not. hm...

holidays - week one

the most suckiest week of holidays in the history of holidays. lets see what i have accomplished this week. hmm, well i have 1.slacking at home and then feeling really bad about it cos i know that i could have done something more constructive like brushing up my horrible maths or practising my music or doing holiday homework; 2.going to school for one reason or another and for one of the reasons i get so pissed off cos the other praty who i have to help are not making any effort at all to make use of my help let alone bother about it; 3.feeling even worse throughout the week cos i know that the first semester has been the worst school semester of my life and im not doing anything about this holiday which then leads me right back to no.1. so all in all, this first week of holiday i have done hmm, PRACTICALLY NOTHING! ZERO! ZILCH! i should probably just go and kill myself right now. seriously like so freaking pissed at myself, that is why to prevent any suicide headlines in the newspaper, i have decided to be proactive (i dont know why but i just dont like this word, even "initiative" is better) and have decided to create a timetable for the remaining 3 weeks of holiday. I will start and finish it tomorrow. really procrastination is not even a choice right now. another this past week, i dont know why but i feel like life has so many choices for a person and sometimes when those choices concern your future its so difficult to choose. you want risk yet you want stability at the same time, you want to be in your comfort zone yet you want adventure. sometimes i even wonder whether whatever paases through my brain makes sense or not. the world is just crazy. so many things to do so little time. take this holiday for example i have so many things to plan debate outing, how to handle with play and work, trainings for juniors and myself etcetc. its just overwhelming, plus i still need to practice vocals which i have sadly not practiced in ages. not to mention so many distractions - comebacks, new songs, new addictions like now i'm hooked onto the new 2AM song which i am also listening to now (if you are reading this, go listen to it on youtube and download the song, its really damn nice even if you cant understand the language. the song is a friend's confession by 2AM) i really envy my friends sometimes, i look at them and question myself "where do they the drive to not procrastinate til the point where procrastination lands them in deep shit?";"how do they manage their time?";"how do they study so well?" but then i realize that they have no better than i am its just what i need to really awaken in myself(omg lols, that was funny), namely SELF-DISCIPLINE. this is my goal for this holiday>>> to push myself to my limits to show myself what potential i may posses, to push myself to finish what i have started;to push myself to really do my best in whatever i do; to push myself to not make any excuses; to push myself to remind me what i want to achieve in life(which is alot); to push myself to try what i have wanted to try; to push myself to further improve my whole being-my passions, my acadamics, my relationships with loved ones :) it is alot to achieve in this remaining 3 weeks of holidays, but i have to try. if i don't, i'll be letting myself down by not enforcing my self-discipline to help me in what i want to do. which is just sad dont you think?

take this time to cherish what you have around you, take a minute to fully appreciate your surroundings, breathe in the love you gain from whoever, look around and smile to yourself, thank the people who have helped you in whatever. Fill the atmosphere with love. don't disappoint yourself, do what you can to fullest of your ability. in this world you cannot really let anyone down, not even your parents, except yourself. so don't let yourself wallow in self pity, if you have fallen pick yourself up stay positive and move on. if you feel stuck dont forget that you have your family and friends to turn to, call someone up and share your problems. don't let it consume you and let yourself sink into a pit of zibei-ness. SMILE TO THE WORLD :)

happy holidays to all. <3>

its been a long time...

haha, well it really has been a long time since i hace touched my blog... so much has happened since the last time... dont even remember the last time i blogged. oh well think it was march something. ah....yes..march ninth. :) lets see what has happened so far, 2 performances, mind champs, virtual debate....etcetc...this shall be a very short post will update with pics next time i promise!!!!!!!!!! :) <3>

itchyitchyitchy hands. plus last week of term 1=4 tests, 3 of which are on friday.

wonder why itchy handed? wel...hm..ven i dont know why. maybe its because its only 4 days to concert day? maybe cos its ive missed dearest marmar so much for the past week, it was there was something around me that was calling out "SEVEENIE!!!!!" in such dear earnest for me to help that something or wait for that something while im peacefully walking ahead or just for that something to strike the ultimate bimbo pose, despite her top-20-in-the-level-smartness, so that i can roll my eyes in jest and smile and feel happier. maybe its because i'm listening to dong bangs flower lady(one of the best songs in the world, well actually the whole mirotic album is like the best lols!) now. maybe its because of the bubbling stress in my brain because on the last week of term (which is this term), we sec3s coincidentally have the crazy task of handling 4 (some people have been telling me 5 but i find that highly doubtful) tests this week. 3 of which are on the same day...(cue my crazy-i do not want to put maniacal in a bid to stop martha from correcting spellings-laughter and hyperventilation right after....let it drag one for a minute)...2 of those subjects are what i would like to call "heavyweights" namely AMATHS (of which i really am struggling like hell to understand and apply) and CHEMISTRY, english is managable (thank god!). maybe its because i already know that i have F9 in my chinese for this term...(cue laughter-hyperventilation again)...i guess the only consolation out fo the whole week is that its the end of term and its concert day on saturday and im listening to jaejoong's solo right now. but its sad that i wont be able to support the team on friday considering that i have rehearsals at 6.30pm...sigh sorry team...someone please call me after asap to tell me the results ok?????? i am currently slacking which always makes me feel angry at myself. here is where the more solemn part of this post comes in and i start to get all honest and i type in proper english. well, on friday night i was listening to dongbang as usual and was thinking at 12 plus am. i was thinking about the past weeks of term 1 and i realised that compared to my many counterparts and peers in the school i have been unacceptably slack in and because of that i have caused much emotional stress to myself. (eg, the recent ss paper-which i know i will fail- why? because that day my alarm didnt ring, i had set it at like 4 to continue studying for ss because the previous night nothing was going through my thick head, anyway, i woke up super late at 6.40 when my maid came in and said "mei, 6.30 already." immediately in my head i was like "f***". yes, the notorious f-word ran across my mind in full bright red CAPS. i ran to the toilet and took a picture of myself in the mirror-why? cos my hair was surprisingly nice that morning it was like curly,haha,curly, haha. i have decided not to post the picture due to my retarded expression thus if you want to see the pic ask me in person and might just let you see what face looks like in the morning after a night of bad sleep- i was ready to leave a had called a taxi by 6.50 but guess what, the taxi came in 20mins even thought the stupid booking system said "5 to 7 minutes time" so i was like shitx100. so i was booked late for school, had to run to the general office to remark the register and had to run back befor efinally settling down to take the test. and it just went downhill from there, not because i couldnt do the questions which may i say were actually quite easy but because of the fact that i mistoook the source a box for the background information box above...so i completed the first question totally on the info box and then when i was going to move on to the second question i was like holy crap. literally my heart sank i dont think i have ever felt like that before. so in the end i redid the question and skipped the purpose part for the second question and only manged to do 2 paragraphs of the essay question.) then i was like if i continue being like this there is no way i can progress in both my studies and my dreams. so from next term onwards i have decided to put my full concentration on my studies first, followed by debate and followed by music etc. so please-this i s a plea of help to all my friends- help me to focus on what is important and what is of to priority...lets work hard together for the year! YAY! lols okok, awkwardness....oh well I shall end of here. good night everyone and i shall leave all of you good people now for you to enjoy the pretty pictures of the sky and the school i took with carissa during friday's reccess, we were walking around the track and singing our lungs out,lols :)

picture one:

picture 2:

i have decided to continue with the pictures tomorrow.

the wallpaper that made me feel slightly better

my current desktop wallpaper (^^)

really, there's nothing better than the cheap thrills of being a fan girl when you are in shitty moods. dongbangshinkisaranghaeyo! <3 crap, didnt even manage to practice vocals tonight.

the word for today's shitty day : shitty

today has been the shittiest day of my life this year. just plain shitty, the only non-shitty thing about today was that helping martha with her rebuttals, watching she and sharon argue of them, teaching yvette nobody dace moves, stretching our totally non-flexible legs on the staircase railing and helping sharon w. with her art thingy. right ow, asim typing in this post i still feel as shitty as can be. im slouching in my chair, im typing super slowly, and i have to make sure i dont spell wongly. plus my eyes are kinda dry and stingy and my head is starting to hurt. well isnt that just shitty. shittyshittyshittyshittyshittyshittyshittyshittyshitty.............i dont even have the energy to go into fan girl mode and start watching youtube videos (although i wouldnt mind watching an episode of we got married, i love that show (^^)) hm....lets see what contributed to my shitty mood. 1. 3 hours of sleep. 2. my computer totally lagging on me yesterday 3. my mum who goes "ruiying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" all the time, then when i go to her room which i have to walk along corridoor to do so, which totally adds the shittyness to my mood, and then when im in her room i sit down on the sofa for 1-2 minutes just for her to show me some stupid tv programme and then after that she goes "get out of my room now." like wtf, seriously what the f***. and just just now, she asked me to go to her room again, super irritating, then ask me to eat strawberries, you know how strawberries have the inedible stalks right, i put that part back into the tupperware where the strawberries were from and then she scolds me and hits my arm... like seriously wtf. what the f***. so now i am doaing her, if she goes ruiying!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wont respond and pretend that im in the toilet. oh well, there's still school tomorrow. at least im going shopping for blouse and court shoes with my juniors tomorrow. yay....hopefully at the wheelock scrapbook shop the little charms that i want to get are still there and hopefully i can get some new paper for the cards i need to make for cheryl, sasa, christine and ziqing and also for wenting's and alicia's bookmark.yay......okok, seriosly feeling super shitty and kinda sick right now. maybe its cos i didnt eat reccess or lunch today. suddenly feeling sadistic as well. hate shitty moods and shitty mood swings

countdown to AOR concert commences

hey people of the world, the AOR-academy of rock-concert is on march 14, at suntec city (ROCK auditorium). lols actually thats all i know so far, so stay tuned for more details. happyhappyhappy + excitedexcitedexcited + :):):) + im singing breakaway[kellyclarkson] + carissa is singing get back[demilovato] + colleen is singing decode[paramore]!!!!!!!! WHOO! dunno if im playing drums though...hmm... if i am[i hope not due to the fact that i am hopeless at memorising drum scores] i think i'll be doing 1985. lols, its free so please come and support us!!!!!!!! :):):)

lols, heres the borders picture sharon wanted:

SPOT THE STARBUCKS!!!!!

heres a close up of it:

lols, was at boreders after MJC invites with sharong wong who was looking for a book when we saw this lols, we were like omg lols!

now here's a pic of the stickers i made for cca fair, lols, this pic is rather outdated;

lols, nice right!!!!!!!!!!! :)

a new beginning; a new year's resolution and a strengthened dream. a compromise must be made. (part one)

It's now 00:27 on my phone clock, 3rd january 2009. On my ipod speakers PROUD by DBSK is set on repeat. it is a song that i will never get tired of listening to. it gives me strength to believe in my dreams, to dare to dream, to reach out and try and grasp it, attempt i, believe in it. Yet it also makes me question myself. Will I be willing to endure the hardship, pressure, work, sacrifce this dream of mine would bring? Would I be willing to leave the comfort of my family and friends' love and supportjust to chase this dream of mine? Would all my sacrifice be worth it in the end? Even as i am writing this, I question myself, would i have enough self-discipline, enough motivation to practice, to hone and to master the craft of which my dream revolves around? Would i even make past the first stage? Would my parents allow this spoilt and pampered child of theirs to venture off on her own, without their watchful eye over her? Would i even gather the amount of strength, discipline and motivation that i need to work hard for this year, to show my parents that i am independant and that I would be mature enough to stand on my two feet alone? And even if I could, i would still need to find the answer for the question on whether i would be willing to leave the warmth of my family and friends to go off into an alien world in which everyone would be a complete stranger? Earlier on in the night, I had confided in an old friend. My tita lorna, the lady who helped my mum take care of me since the day i was born till the middle of the year i was 11. I thank her for her understanding, her advice & her encouragement towards me chasing my dream. Even though she was a domestic helper, she had seen me grow up, she has understood my character through and through. And sometime, it is with prickling to my conscience that i wonder if she knows me better than my parents do. This entry is dedicated whole-heartedly to Tita Lornma. Thank you Tita for always taking care of me, for taking the time to look after me. I wish you good health as you are adapting to your new life in spain. Please remember to wear in winter and keep cool in the summer. Hopefully one day, when you come back to Singapore, we will meet again. Love always, Mei.



This Entry is the start of a chronological process. As headed "A new beginning; a new year's resolution and a strengthened dream. A compromise must be made." To some of my closest friends and confidantes, they would know what my dream is. this chronological process is logged down in two places. 1, my journal. 2, my blog. My blog will not include the most private thoughts...of which i had jotted down in my journal. To all you readers out there, I give my best wishes to you, in hope that all your dreams will come true. Also this "series" will include my progress of my dream in the making. Stay tuned for updates! :)
.SweeEn.

P.S. to those close friendsof mine to whom i have disclosed my dream, please remember that you are sworn to secrecy, lols, and are most definitely not allowed to reveal to anyone my dream. (even though it may be obvious)