a new beginning; a new year's resolution and a strengthened dream. a compromise must be made. (part one)

It's now 00:27 on my phone clock, 3rd january 2009. On my ipod speakers PROUD by DBSK is set on repeat. it is a song that i will never get tired of listening to. it gives me strength to believe in my dreams, to dare to dream, to reach out and try and grasp it, attempt i, believe in it. Yet it also makes me question myself. Will I be willing to endure the hardship, pressure, work, sacrifce this dream of mine would bring? Would I be willing to leave the comfort of my family and friends' love and supportjust to chase this dream of mine? Would all my sacrifice be worth it in the end? Even as i am writing this, I question myself, would i have enough self-discipline, enough motivation to practice, to hone and to master the craft of which my dream revolves around? Would i even make past the first stage? Would my parents allow this spoilt and pampered child of theirs to venture off on her own, without their watchful eye over her? Would i even gather the amount of strength, discipline and motivation that i need to work hard for this year, to show my parents that i am independant and that I would be mature enough to stand on my two feet alone? And even if I could, i would still need to find the answer for the question on whether i would be willing to leave the warmth of my family and friends to go off into an alien world in which everyone would be a complete stranger? Earlier on in the night, I had confided in an old friend. My tita lorna, the lady who helped my mum take care of me since the day i was born till the middle of the year i was 11. I thank her for her understanding, her advice & her encouragement towards me chasing my dream. Even though she was a domestic helper, she had seen me grow up, she has understood my character through and through. And sometime, it is with prickling to my conscience that i wonder if she knows me better than my parents do. This entry is dedicated whole-heartedly to Tita Lornma. Thank you Tita for always taking care of me, for taking the time to look after me. I wish you good health as you are adapting to your new life in spain. Please remember to wear in winter and keep cool in the summer. Hopefully one day, when you come back to Singapore, we will meet again. Love always, Mei.



This Entry is the start of a chronological process. As headed "A new beginning; a new year's resolution and a strengthened dream. A compromise must be made." To some of my closest friends and confidantes, they would know what my dream is. this chronological process is logged down in two places. 1, my journal. 2, my blog. My blog will not include the most private thoughts...of which i had jotted down in my journal. To all you readers out there, I give my best wishes to you, in hope that all your dreams will come true. Also this "series" will include my progress of my dream in the making. Stay tuned for updates! :)
.SweeEn.

P.S. to those close friendsof mine to whom i have disclosed my dream, please remember that you are sworn to secrecy, lols, and are most definitely not allowed to reveal to anyone my dream. (even though it may be obvious)