end of holidays: unsuccesful + irreplacable

its been a fast 4 week holiday. there has been much to complete, much to do. yet i could not accomplish all and only one day is left. holiday homework left to finish up chinese and need to do maths. i still do not know what was for e lit homework. procrastination still lingers. next week is oral o levels. i think i will kind of panic, very scared, anxious... but the thing that annoys me the most is that procrastination still lingers, i have not been able to make the full and best use of my holidays. evidence > not practicing maths as i should have been doing, not finshing holiday homwork which was actually not very much and i could have done it quite easly, not taking in much effort this holiday with the problem of self discipline. i am unhappy and it will be a hectic term 3 as i have an addition of cheer to my schedule now. but today has been an irreplaceble day for me!!!!! i got to watch ft island showcase, and minhuan took my drumsticks!!!!! hope elysia/yorklyn/nicole can pass hongki and minhuan my letters!!!! the showcase was awesome! minhuan was really good on the drums, hongki just started belting song after song (hopefully, i can be like him next time ^^) jae jin did quite impressively on the bass, seung hyun was just plain cute and jong hoon was soooo hot + handsome + good on lead guitar and the keybaords!!!! then when we left, ft island's van was just infront of us and along with many maxi cabs and taxis we(me and my mum) chased the van all the way back to ritz carlton! and on the way, my mum kept driving beside the van and she and i waved at min huan and hongki!!!!!!!then minhuan laughed and smiled and then waved back!!!!!! WHOO! he's damn cute!!!!! and then when we were nearer to the hotel, i wound down the car window (which was tinted so they would not have been able to see me if i did not wind it down) and then smiled and waved at jonghoon (or seunghyun, not very sure which one) and jae jin! and then they smiled back!!!!!! i was like lols omg this is damn funny and embarrassing at the same time! it was fun! :) I LOVE FT ISLAND! PPL GO LISTEN TO THEIR MUSIC! DAMN NICE! :) there's school on monday, to which i have no idea if i looking forward to or not. hm...

holidays - week one

the most suckiest week of holidays in the history of holidays. lets see what i have accomplished this week. hmm, well i have 1.slacking at home and then feeling really bad about it cos i know that i could have done something more constructive like brushing up my horrible maths or practising my music or doing holiday homework; 2.going to school for one reason or another and for one of the reasons i get so pissed off cos the other praty who i have to help are not making any effort at all to make use of my help let alone bother about it; 3.feeling even worse throughout the week cos i know that the first semester has been the worst school semester of my life and im not doing anything about this holiday which then leads me right back to no.1. so all in all, this first week of holiday i have done hmm, PRACTICALLY NOTHING! ZERO! ZILCH! i should probably just go and kill myself right now. seriously like so freaking pissed at myself, that is why to prevent any suicide headlines in the newspaper, i have decided to be proactive (i dont know why but i just dont like this word, even "initiative" is better) and have decided to create a timetable for the remaining 3 weeks of holiday. I will start and finish it tomorrow. really procrastination is not even a choice right now. another this past week, i dont know why but i feel like life has so many choices for a person and sometimes when those choices concern your future its so difficult to choose. you want risk yet you want stability at the same time, you want to be in your comfort zone yet you want adventure. sometimes i even wonder whether whatever paases through my brain makes sense or not. the world is just crazy. so many things to do so little time. take this holiday for example i have so many things to plan debate outing, how to handle with play and work, trainings for juniors and myself etcetc. its just overwhelming, plus i still need to practice vocals which i have sadly not practiced in ages. not to mention so many distractions - comebacks, new songs, new addictions like now i'm hooked onto the new 2AM song which i am also listening to now (if you are reading this, go listen to it on youtube and download the song, its really damn nice even if you cant understand the language. the song is a friend's confession by 2AM) i really envy my friends sometimes, i look at them and question myself "where do they the drive to not procrastinate til the point where procrastination lands them in deep shit?";"how do they manage their time?";"how do they study so well?" but then i realize that they have no better than i am its just what i need to really awaken in myself(omg lols, that was funny), namely SELF-DISCIPLINE. this is my goal for this holiday>>> to push myself to my limits to show myself what potential i may posses, to push myself to finish what i have started;to push myself to really do my best in whatever i do; to push myself to not make any excuses; to push myself to remind me what i want to achieve in life(which is alot); to push myself to try what i have wanted to try; to push myself to further improve my whole being-my passions, my acadamics, my relationships with loved ones :) it is alot to achieve in this remaining 3 weeks of holidays, but i have to try. if i don't, i'll be letting myself down by not enforcing my self-discipline to help me in what i want to do. which is just sad dont you think?

take this time to cherish what you have around you, take a minute to fully appreciate your surroundings, breathe in the love you gain from whoever, look around and smile to yourself, thank the people who have helped you in whatever. Fill the atmosphere with love. don't disappoint yourself, do what you can to fullest of your ability. in this world you cannot really let anyone down, not even your parents, except yourself. so don't let yourself wallow in self pity, if you have fallen pick yourself up stay positive and move on. if you feel stuck dont forget that you have your family and friends to turn to, call someone up and share your problems. don't let it consume you and let yourself sink into a pit of zibei-ness. SMILE TO THE WORLD :)

happy holidays to all. <3>